Steven Universe

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Error creating thumbnail: File missing

In 2013, Rebecca Sugar abandoned Adventure Time to pander to the immense cesspit of basement-dwelling feminazis plaguing Tumblr with the anime ripoff that is Steven Universe.

Steven Universe is a very anime-inspired cartoon, which shouldn't be acceptable for a Western kids show since all anime is invariably pornographic. Like Adventure Time, Steven Universe has no actual over-arcing storyline, only the illusion of one.

Cartoon Network realized that since they were airing Johnny Test and never-ending Teen Titans Go! reruns two-thirds of the day (The other one-third going to Adult Swim), they REALLY needed something new, ANYTHING new. Rebecca Sugar caught onto the fact that CN now had two brain cells to rub together and suggested a fantasy 2DEEP4U show that attempted to trick otakus into thinking that Western cartoons are any match for anime.


"Gems" are an alien race of sentient gemstones ruled by "The Diamond Authority" complete with having to do the diamond sign with they'll arms and say "My Diamond". Their civilization is as technologically advanced as the average sci-fi federation but as morally advanced as the Nazis. Here are some useful factoids:

  • Quartz and Quartz varieties come from Earth and are supposed to badass but Amethyst was in the ground too long.
  • Pearls are slaves to their Diamond(s).
  • There are 3 eras of gems (Era 2 being mostly physically retarded)
  • Gems generate an external body to interact with the world.
    • When this body is damaged enough it "poofs" out of existence and has to regenerate from within the Gem.
    • This body can physically change at will (with limits of course unless you're a Diamond since diamonds are OP)through shapeshifting.
  • Gems can fuse.
    • You can fuse the literal Gems together against their will to create a sin against life itself and become the literal worst person ever.
    • Gems can only fuse within their diamond circle and gem type. Cross fusing is a giant no no and will be shattered on the spot for doing so.
  • Gems are seemingly immortal; they will never fucking die. However, if a Gem smashed into shards those shards lose sapience and can only form body parts.
  • They have such a rigid caste system that would make India blush and wet itself.
    • Homeworld planet is cracked in half.
  • Despite having an intergalactic society thousands of years old, the Gems cannot grasp the concept of sustainable development and thus breed like rabbits, spread around the universe as a plague, and deplete natural resources so that subsequent Gems "born" on older worlds are handicapped and have to use prosthetics.

The story

Gem mating ritual.

A long ago Pink Diamond bitched for a planet to colonize, so the Diamonds gave her Earth and tried to colonize the Earth. She got bored and found what human dick was and wanted to "save" Earth but the Diamonds told her no. So she pretended to be a Rose Quartz and banded a lesbian SJW ecoterrorists called the "Crystal Gems" to go against the Diamonds. Pink Diamond then faked her death by forcing Pearl to do it and she started a pointless war as Rose Quartz for the human dick. They "saved" the planet, but Homeworld put a giant philosopher's stone in the Earth's core and The Diamonds also beam to the planet, corrupting all exposed Gems into monsters, so the Crystal Gems spend all their time capturing them.

In the recent past a solo musician named "Greg Universe" decided to perform songs at a venue in Beach City only to learn that no one listens to his music anymore, except for the aforementioned Pink Diamond. After some shit happened, Steven Universe was born.

Pink Diamond died giving birth to him, and she knew ahead of time that this would happen but continued the pregnancy anyway - probably because Steven's half-human half-alien properties were part of her master plan to fix her shit for her while she gone for good.


Pink Diamond fucked everyone over and now her gray stu, half diamond, half human son, Steven goes on adventures with a bunch of hot girls to fix her fuck-ups.

Current Year

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
*cough* *cough* Cringe *cough*
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
He went full macintosh. You never go full macintosh.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
The Triple-K ranger.
  • The "Monster of the Week" Arc + Lapis. (Season 1A)
    • The CGs and Steven fight a series of Corrupted Gems while occasionally having fee-fees.
    • Garnet and Amethyst fuse into Sugilite and break a communication hub for hurting television. This become relevant later.
    • Steven releases a Lapis Lazuli from a mirror and she takes the ocean, then gives it back and flies off to Homeworld while leaving absolutely no catastrophic damage to the ecosystem.
  • The "World-building" (Season 1B, 1 - 43)
    • Filler
    • The fee-fees get more frequent.
    • Steven and Connie fuse into Herm-Aphrodite and some pedo named Kevin hits on them until they unfuse.
    • Garnet reveals that she can see the future.
    • Ronaldo tries to murder Lars onscreen and everyone's okay with it because they're both douchebags.
  • The Peridot Arc (Season 1, 44 - 52)
    • An Era-2 Peridot is assigned to check on the cluster buried within the Earth's core before it hatches, but the CGs keep interfering. First she tries to fix the Galaxy warp and go there directly but gets paranoid because of a fucking sticker and leaves, then she tries to use the Prime Kindergarten but the CGs destroy its power source. She then brings the Lapis from earlier and a literally perfect Jasper with her on a space-ship to get the job done but guess what.
    • The CGs fuck it all up. Garnet reveal that she is a fusion made up of two carpet munching midget gems named Rudy and Sapphire(Note: it was this moment that the fanbase acted retarded and started to defend the show with they're life to years to come).
    • Peridot takes an escape pod to Canada a field conveniently close to Beach City.
    • Jasper fuses with Lapis into a Malachite but Lapis betrays Jasper and drags their fusion into the sea, until early season 3.
  • More "World-building" (Season 2, 1 - 10)
    • Filler up until episode 6 where the plot develops.
    • Less fee-fees than in the first worldbuilding arc.
    • Connie starts taking sword-fighting lessons from Pearl and become a child solider/slave for Steven.
    • Gem Shard Amaglamates are found being forced together which cause Garnet to almost get a panic attack from the sight of them(this also spawn the "so this is what Homeworld thinks of fusion" meme)
  • The "Week of Sardonyx" (Season 2, 11 - 15)
    • Pearl gets thirsty and repeatedly fixes the hub in secret so she can fuse with Garnet again and again.
    • Garnet eventually finds out and disowns Pearl.
    • Steven and Grag takes Garnet on a short vacation and she defuse and Ruby and Sapphire annoy each other plus Steven about fusion and destroys parts of the hotel then they fuse back together without saying sorry to anyone.
    • The CGs start their hunt for Peridot but with Garnet's salt and Pearl's thirst for forgiveness keeps getting in the way.
    • Pearl puts herself down as bring a worthless pearl and Garnet eats it up and makes up with her at the end and take Peridot's leg.
  • Peridot's Redemption/The Rushed Cluster Arc (Season 2, 18 - Season 3, 5)
    • Peridot is caught and becomes a midget.
    • Peridot discloses to the CGs the cluster in the Earth.
    • Peridot and the CGs make a truce to build a drill so they can get to the cluster and destroy it.
    • Peridot starts being racist to the CGs.
    • The CGs go to the moon to find out exactly where the Cluster is. (Russia is literally gone.)
    • Peridot steals a connection to the Diamond Communication Line to try to get Yellow Diamond to spare the Earth, she refuses and Peridot calls her a clod, creating a meme face.
    • Malachite resurfaces so the CGs go and fuck her up. Malachite defuses and save Lapis but Jasper (still knocked out) falls off into a cliff.
    • Steven and Peridot take the drill and disable the cluster by having it bubble itself.
  • Bazzzillionare Greg (Season 3, 10 - 18)
    • Greg's old Jewager, Marty, sells his song for $10,000,000, making Greg rich.
    • Greg, Steven and Pearl go to a luxury hotel in Empire City so Greg and Pearl can finally sort their shit out.
    • Greg buy a car.
    • Kevin shows up to be a dick so Steven and Connie use Greg's car to race him despite neither of them knowing how to drive.
    • Greg rents a boat and takes Steven and Lapis out to sea. Jasper comes back, gets cucked, and Lapis punches a hole in the boat to launch Jasper into next week.
  • The Jasper Arc (Season 3, 18 - 25)
    • Jasper comes back and proposes to Lapis but gets cucked, and clocked into next week. Literally.
    • Jasper decides "fuck trying to get back to homeworld, imma build my own army" and captures corrupted Quartz soldiers.
    • Jasper destroys Amethyst's form and self-worth.
    • Jasper uses the kindergarten she was made in as a make-shift jail for her "troops".
    • Steven and Amethyst fuse into a grape boy and have Jasper free all but one her prisoners by accident. Jasper rapes a dog and gets AIDS.
    • Jasper becomes corrupted and bubbled, with no hope of ever being redeemed (she semi does in season 5).
    • Bismuth intrudes the arc, but is also poofed and bubbled with no hope of ever being redeemed, because she's too violent for a kid's show. She comes back in season 5.
  • Filler (Season 4, 1 - 10)
    • Filler.
    • More filler.
    • More filler.
    • More filler.
    • Except for that episode with the demon butterflies. Had a song that everyone and their mother was falling for.
    • Oh and Pearl somehow manages to get even gayer falling for a dyke human copy of Rose Pink Diamond.
    • Greg's cousin shows up and more filler happens.
  • "Time for Answers" but it nothing much. oh and a Human Zoo (Season 4, 11 - 15)
    • Steven starts accidentally ESPing with Blue Diamond. His dreams are of Pink Diamond's Palanquin and he cries involuntarily.
    • Steven tries asking the Gems questions for once but they dodge the answers in the most retarded ways possible.
    • Greg and Steven go to Korea to find the Palanquin and Blue Diamond bawwing her eyes out for Pink.
    • BD kidnaps Greg and puts him in a "human zoo".
    • Steven and the CGs use the Ruby guard's spaceship and arrive at a pink space station(Yellow and Blue arm ships are also there. they try to fit in poorly. Steven is taken to the zoo.
    • The zoo people are inbred. But Steven says fuck saving the people and gets him and his dad out. They run into a room full of bubbled Rose Quartzs gems and Yellow and Blue Diamond.
    • Amethyst meet the other earth made Amethysts called the "Famethyst".
    • Yellow sings to Blue about how Blue should stop being such a crying pussy over Pink Diamond's death.
  • "Nothing but more pointless fillers (Season 4, 16 - 21)
    • Holy SHIT this season has so much filler!
    • Nobody on Reddit likes any of these episodes.
    • Steven sees that his mother was not this perfect gem she truly was.
  • Kidnapping use to move the plot again (Season 4, 22 - 25)
    • Lars is gay.
    • Steven meets a cute loli gem named Aquamarine who's looking for my daddy and then proptly flies away.
    • Steven and Connie find Aquamarine, only to discover that she and her slave Topaz have kidnapped all of the missing people and put them inside Topaz.
    • Aquamarine is revealed to be a psycho bitch and kidnaps Connie.
    • The CG are wrecked by Aquamarine and Topaz while Steven gets kidnapped.
    • All the humans are put on a ship to homeworld piloted by Aquamarine, but Steven splits up Topaz and frees his friends.
    • Everyone jumps off the ship, and Steven convinces Aquamarine to let his friends go because he is his mom, but Lars is gay and is still on the ship to homeworld.
  • One hour on Homeworld then back to Earth to the status quo (Season 5, 1 - 4)
    • Aquamarine gloats for an unnecessary amount of time.
    • Steven and Lars argue for like 5 minutes and promptly make up. Topaz has a gigantic emotional breakdown over how sweet Steven and Lars are and tries to get them to an escape pod but is caught by a flying blue dwarf.
    • Topaz beats the shit out of Aquamarine until she remembers that Aquamarine is basically gym nobility.
    • Steven and Lars are separated.
    • Steven goes to court and is defended by a Zircon who is voiced by Princess Carolyn. Blue Diamond cries a lot.
    • Half of this episode is basically Amy Sedaris talking to herself, resulting in it being better than pretty much every other episode.
    • Zircon goes bananas and comes up with the most sensible theory about Pink Diamond's death on the show yet. She is promptly poofed by Yellow Diamond for actually being the first person to make sense of the case in 5,000 years.
    • Blue and Yellow Diamond argue, and Steven escapes with Lars.
    • They end up being sheltered by "off-colors", basically gems with disabilities. None of them are important. Filler dialogue ensues.
    • Lars dies and is brought back to life.
    • Lars becomes Steven's familiar; Steven can use Lars's hair portal to travel to Lion's mane back on Earth.
    • Steven does so and abandons Lars on Homeworld, who will most likely be sacrificed by the off colors in their bimonthly ritual.
    • We have no idea what happened to Zircon. Crew said they'll "ok" aka never seen again,
    • after this it was nothing but more pointless fillers.
  • More clickbait filler with little plot(Season 5, 11 - 13)
    • Steven and Connie teleport to Lars only to see he became a walking anime reference and commanding a ship with the off retards(all happened off screen of course).
    • Lars bawws about how why Sadie isn't crying over him and starting a band at the worst moment while he is attacked by Emerald(voice by a drag queen from won on Rupaul's drag race).
    • Steven and Connie fuse into Baitvonnie(who now have bread hairs to pander to Tumblr even more) to fight Emerald only to be shot down and crash land on a unknown planet.
    • She dreams of being Pink Diamond, who turns out to be the child like, bratty, midget Diamond with her upside down gem down bitching at a Yellow Diamond/Connie's mom mix about wanting a planet and army for herself. Yellow yells at her to grow up then Pink punches a glass wall in anger for not getting her way.
    • Baitvonnie happen to be sleeping under YD's old communication base and get rescue by Lars.
    • Steven comes back with Garnet(instead of getting Peridot who can help with the ship).
    • Garnet acts a like a creep with her thirst for fusions with makes the off retards uncomfortable. She then tell the story of "Rose" (that Pink Diamond made up for herself) to them.
    • The show hinted that Pink Diamond could be alive. Haha see below
  • Shitty "Rose was Pink Diamond" theories came canon (Season 5, 17 - 18)
    • Steven finds Lapis has ran to the Moon Base where she stalk and spies on Peridot and the gang.
    • Steven again randomly dreams about Pink, Yellow and Blue Diamond with Blue telling Pink to get her shit together and stop making excuses for the colony she bitch and wanted for. Pearl then walks in comes in with Rose's Sword and "shatter" Pink Diamond.
    • Lapis then runs away yet again and nothing a value was lost.
    • Pearl, through the most retarded way of finding her cellphone, shows Steven inside her gem memory that his mother Rose was really Pink Diamond. Pink Diamond trier that the Diamonds don't want to listen to her crying ass for wanting human dick on her Earth; decides to fake her shattering and become Rose for good and forced pearl to go through with it promising that they can be together forever(which Pink trolled Pearl hard with that). Steven shows very little emotion as he takes it well. (NOTE: Many people BAWW quit the cartoon due to a old shitty theory because canon plus the crew poorly planned this twist since 2013. This is what happens when you don't have any writers on the show, you get shit like this.
  • Heart of the shitty writing (season 5, 19- 24)
    • Garnet once again defuse after learning that Rose was Pink and Sapphire runs off mad.
    • Pearl, through her Rose tinted glasses of Pink, tells how Pink was bored of her job, wanted to go down to the Kindergartner to see her gems but can't as she is. Pearl was the one who told her to shapeshift into a Rose Quartz gem.
    • Pink then fucks around on Earth with flowers then saw redskins. She then wanted to save earth for the humans for herself out of nowhere.
    • Pink begged the Diamonds if she can stop but they told her to gtfo and colonize the Earth. She then used her Rose form to try to scare the Diamonds away from Earth. Sees Ruby and Sapphire cross fuse into Garnet for the first time. Pink then realize that she can use gems for her selfish goal. The rest is history.
    • Sapphire is forced to forgive Pink because the show says so.
    • Ruby runs off to be a dyke cowgirl and failing hard at it. Steven being the prick that he is of wanting Garnet back, told Ruby she should marry Sapphire because the crew want to stroke their faggotery, egos so much.
    • Steven brings back Bismuth(just for the wedding) and like Sapphire, is force to forgive Pink Diamond.
    • They throw the midgets' wedding(with the Rebecca and CN boosting on the side that they did a gay wedding in a cartoon) then the Diamonds come to fuck shit up. The cluster turns out to be good and battles Yellow Diamond while the rest(with Lapis comes back out of nowhere) fight Blue Diamond. After a meh battle with both Diamonds(Lapis and Peridot get poofed), Steven then uses that he is his mom excuse again (but with Pink Diamond this time) and the Diamonds stop fighting.
  • Battle of Filler and Shitting Plot (season 5, 25 – 32)
    • Steven tells YD and BD that the gems were corrupted and not killed by the hyper beam and that they need to fix it.
    • YD and BD say they can’t do shit unless they get White Diamond to help and she a bitch to talk to.
    • They find Pink Diamond’s ass and legs ship(Really Rebecca?) and head off to Homeworld. Once there, White Pearl takes Steven to White Diamond (both are T posing to assert dominance) where she thinks it really Pink and send Steven to Pink’s room.
    • Steven dresses up as his dead mom and throws a party to get the Diamonds “closer” as a “family” and his friends are treated like shit.
    • Diamonds has Era 3 gems fresh out the oven (White doesn’t show up but White Pearl there). Everything goes to shit all thanks to Connie wanting to dance with Steven with them fusing and the GCs getting poofed by YD for fusing.
    • Baitvonnie is thrown in a dark tower and filler happens
    • Steven does what he does best and talks his way to BD and YD so they can help him like the true soyboy that he is. White Diamond stops them with her head and Pink’s ass ship combine.
    • Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot comes to the rescue in BD and YD arm ships. Steven tries to talk to White Diamond but she turns YD and BD gray and make them her puppet bitches.
    • Steven does gray stu with the CGs gems and fuses with each one of them then all 4 of them fuses into Obsidian
    • White Diamond then turn the CGs into puppet bitches as well then roast the shit out of everyone even Pink Diamond. She then puts out Steven’s gem out of him to get Pink back.
    • Steven gem soul then does OP stuff and refuse back into Steven where he then “defects” White Diamond with a shitty one line comeback and makes her blush(no really).
    • Blah blah blah shitty happy ending with the diamonds redeemed and turn the corrupted gems back to normal gems, Lars and the off retards finally comes back, then they just sit around doing nothing.
  • Soyboy Universe the musical the movie
    • Steven is now 16(guess he learned how to grow) and the Diamonds act like creeps to get Steven to stay with them because they still not over losing Pink cunt Diamond.
    • Steven sings about getting his perfect happy ending without having to fight like the soft pussy he is.
    • They builded a mini Homeworld for the uncorrupted gems in Beach City.
    • For a musical, its has a lot of shitty songs expect for the one the villain sings. Plus they still suck at pacing.
    • A looney tunes gem name Spinel comes to fuck Steven’s shit up with a giant gem machine that can poison all of Earth(aka just Beach City) and poofs the GCs and nerfs Steven’s op powers with her scythe before he poofs Spinel with it.
    • turns out the scythe can reset gems back to what they were in the first place(aka back into Homeworld slaves including Spinel).
    • Bismuth, Lapis, Peridot and Connie are all still fucking useless.
    • Steven then spends half of the movie trying to get the GCs memories back. Steven fuses with his dad to get Pearl back and form into a alpha male fusion (which made the fanbase unconformable with how toxic masculinity he looks, while some creeps got horny over an young teen and grown man fusion.
    • Spinel use to be Pink Diamond’s playmate before Pink left her ass for Earth and let Spinel rot for 6000 years in Pink’s garden in one spot until she saw Steven’s broadcast where she snaps.
    • Like in his true selfish manner, Steven admits that he just needed Spinel to lift the machine only to not give a rat’s ass about her which she then goes back to wanting to destroy the earth and him.
    • Steven gets his op powers back and after a lame fight and damages to Beach City, Steven hands Spinel over to the Diamonds(aka the gems that screw her over due to the system in the first place) as they only see her as a replacement for Pink.
    • Steven then kisses the ground to replace the flowers and fix Beach City then goes back singing about getting his way.
  • Steven Universe Future aka Season 6


Steven Jewniverse.png

  • Steven DeMayo - The main character. As the bastard son of Rose Quartz Pink Diamond, he has inherited all of her op as fuck diamond powers; such as healing literally anything ever, creating life, possessing people, and bring people back from the FUCKING DEAD, etc. If you pose a threat to the planet's existence, Steven will still see you as capable of changing; but if you hit on him, you're worse than Hitler. Has PTSD. FACT: Steven is Rebecca's brother's self insert, which explains why he's such a gray stu and treated like god.
  • Greg DeMayo - Steven's dad. He's an ex-solo-musician with cat hair and the poster child for how to fail at life but still get the best girl. Seriously though he met Rose Pink because she's the only person who liked his music. Now Greg runs a Car Wash and lives in a van, so Steven lives with the Gems. Not only is he the only best character in the show but a true hero for shattering Pink Diamond with his dick(and her giving birth to Steven as a finishing blow).
  • Connie - Steven's obligatory love interest. Connie's mom is a doctor and her dad is a cop who works for multiple beaches in multiple cities so she isn't in the same place for long, meaning she can't make friends. Because she has no friends she spend most of her time reading books and looking at boats. This probably means she knows about Onion's status as Satan. [Insert Un-funny Lolicon joke here.] Now is a edgy sword fighter thanks to Pearl's brainwashing and only really there to be use as fusion bait for Steven.

  • Pearl - She is a smart-ass who thinks she's superior inferior to anything surrounding her. Was Pink Diamond's slave and because of that, she has an unquenchable thirst for her master. She watches Steven in his sleep and a few times, almost kills him. Since she can't sex it up with Rose Pink Diamond anymore, she'll settle for the next best thing: Garnet. Now falls for a Tumblr style hyper-dyke Rose PD lookalike. Also gets the most attention in the show and fanbase. Her weapon is a Spiral-tipped spear.
  • Amethyst - A Gem that was grown on Earth by evil Gems. FAs on Tumblr can NEVER get enough of her because, like a disturbingly high number of characters in this show, she's FA-worthy. Constantly stuffing her fat face (even though apparently Gems don't need food, or drink, or sleep, or air). Gets mad easily if you tell her the facts of how useless she is. Used her shapeshifting power to turn into her fursona, "The Purple Puma" and wreck people behind Pearl and Garnet's backs nah she just randomly drops her fursona now as "she doesn't need it", but still shapeshifts into shit. You learn later in the series that she is Jasper's bitch and has shown to be forever worthless as hell. Her weapon is a spiked whip.
  • Garnet - The Leader of the Crystal Gems since Rose Pink died. She is secretly a fusion of two lesbians (lesbians exist in kids' shows now). Her powers include seeing into the future, swimming in lava, and a diva voice. The Gem Homeworld is full of Dixie Confederate Republican Gems that didn't like Garnet being Garnet, so she joined Rose Quartz's Pink Diamond's army to fight for Earth so she could be free to be a black hole of faggotry. The french dub of the show censored Garnet's gayness spawning a sewer flood of hate. Now just centers around and talks about nothing but fusions and she married to herself(see below). Her weapon is a pair of gauntlets.
  • Ruby and Sapphire - Very one dimensional dwarf lesbians that make up Garnet. A hot-headed red one with fire powers and a cool-headed blue one with ice powers. Completely Original. Can't last five seconds apart from each other(due to Ruby taking fusion too seriously) and are annoying as hell. They are the real reason why people started to watch the show and Rebecca likes to milk them whenever she can. They get married because the crew wants they're faggot fanbase to stroke their egos even more.

  • Lapis Lazuli - A waterbender. The Crystal Gems trapped her in a mirror for 5750 years until Steven broke her free. She flew to her homeworld in space to find that if you give a civilization 5750 years they tend to advance. She fused with Jasper so she could use her water-powers to trap herself and Jasper at the bottom of the ocean forever. Fans want to fuck her because tumblr fags think they relate to her 'abused' past. Thus, making her the most overrated and second to boot meme'd SU character and all that cringy shit. Now has little to no personality(the little she had in the first place) other than act emo and cracks unfunny jokes, and sits with Peridot in the barn, doing nothing. Still has no personality to this day.
  • Peridot - A autistic,racist who uses prosthetics and jerks off to The Diamond Authority. She used to be a baddie but now she's a goodie because of Steven's selective character redemption powers. As an "Era-2" peridot, she's a shitty millennial whose only power as a Gem to be magneto. Now sits around the barn with Lapis doing nothing and is only shown when the crew feel like having her and Lapis for something pointless. Still barely does anything other than LOL SO RANDOM humor.
  • Jasper - A roid-rager who Peridot dragged her with to Earth, is Lapis' abusive girlfriend and thinks Steven is Rose Quartz. She fused with Lapis after being jelly that Garnet is infinitely better than her in every way (even though she thinks fusion is for pussies) but Lapis dragged their fused body into the ocean. After separating from Lapis, Jasper became obsessed with fusing with her again, but was thrown back into the ocean. She later created an army of corrupted Gems, but fuse-raped one of them and got AIDS and got poofed. She comes back at the end of season 5, now AIDS free.
  • Bismuth - The blacksmith that made all the Crystal Gems' weapons. She treated the war like an actual war and wanted to shatter the Diamonds(you know that bad guys), but Pink Diamond didn't like that and Bismuth got bubbled for it. Upon her chimp out in her debut, the fans started demonizing Fructose for having a "black-coded" character be loud and aggressive, and also for stating that murder is wrong. Soyboy refused to shatter other Gems, and this made Bismuth turn apeshit against Steven, attempting to shatter him. Dead Comes back in Season 5 for the just for the midgets' wedding and is force to forgive Pink Diamond.
  • White Diamond - True Gem-Hitler. Controls all of Homeworld and judges gems on looks and made it that unperfect or free thinking gems are to be shatter. Has a tight lease on her Diamonds "children" to the point Pink kills herself to get away from them(plus not getting what she wants). Was a boss roasting Steven, his mom and GCs and pulling out Steven's gem; only to be defected by Steven from a shitty one liner and making her blush. Is now a goodie because no killing the big murderous dictators is allowed in Rebecca's land.
  • Yellow Diamond - Gem-Hitler. She wants to destroy the earth because killed her baby sister. She is such a boss that even the crewniverse fangirls over her VA. Has lighting powers that ONE HIT OK poof gems. Now is a soft redeemed pussy.
  • Blue Diamond - A Sith Lord who refuses to accept the fact the Pink is dead, also a massive emo. Use to be tough but after Pink die, she cries 24/7 about her. She can just make everyone cry with her BAWWW power. Never really cared that much to Pink when she was alive. Like her other diamonds, now a soft redeemed pussy(as if she was hardcore(other than that one flashback) in the first place).
  • Pink Diamond - Worst Diamond as she smaller than the other diamonds, has a upside down gem, and dressed and treated like a child clown. Only had one planet to her name before she rage quit it because she got thirst for humans and wanted more piece of the action but the Diamonds said no. So she forced Pearl to faked her death, formed a Rose Quartz sona and started a pointless war against the diamond family for her sexual kink while hurting everyone around her(trolling Pearl with loving her, her own gems fighting each other, leaving Spinel to rot, getting some gems corrupted by the Diamonds beam,etc). Later after the war, she sex it up with Greg(also note that again, Pink acts like a child and Greg is a adult. Just think about that) and gave her life up to birth Steven just so he can fix all of the shit she left behind. Is a mary sue with having so much op powers that she barely used to help her gems. Her "weapons" is a sword and shield. Is the true villain of the show and is Rebecca's second self insert after Pearl.


  • Opal - Whenever Pearl and Amethyst aren't arguing for no reason, they can perform fusion to "form Opal": a four-armed giant woman; the Gems claim that they only fuse when they have no choice but hardly ever do it when they need to and when they do it it's hardly ever when they need to. Is somehow stable even thou both hate each others' guts.

Fun Fact: Originally they were going to pose her arms to form a swastika as a Hindu reference but were forced to scrap it because culturally ignorant Jews and Social Justice Warriors would have been offended and that can't ever happen. Her weapon is a bow. Barley speaks throughout the whole damn show.

  • Sugilite - Whenever a mission can only be completed with brute force and lots of it, Garnet and Amethyst will fuse to form Sugilite. In exchange for that power the three succumb to roid rage. Is voiced by Nicki Minaj. Obviously the SJ-Wankers were appalled by how obviously racist her character is, which surprised us all since SJWs typically jerk off to and worship the Steven Universe characters. Sugilite's weapon is a flail. Barely seen due to Nicki cost too much to voice.
  • Alexandrite - A fusion of all three of the CGs. Is unstable as its has three separate personalities of each of the gems. Has a hidden second mouth. Is OP as not only can it use the gem's weapons, but weapons used by their other fusions.
  • Sardonyx - A fusion of Garnet and Pearl. A gap-toothed cricket who apparently acts like a know it all, sexy, bitchy magician/talk show host that roast Amethyst any chance she gets(then again, Amethyst is worthless). Pearl lies to Garnet so they keep having to fuse into her, because she enjoys how it feels, causing Garnet to get butthurt and ignore her for several episodes until Pearl basically admits to being a worthless cunt who can't do shit on her own. Her weapon is a giant hammer.

  • Malachite - The Lapis-Jasper fusion that dragged its horrid form to the bottom of the sea to save the C-Gems, getting kinky with each other with whatever shit they find down there to pass the time. It ultimately got its shit wrecked by Alexandrite.
  • Stevonnie - The accidental, creepy, shota/loli fusion of Steven and Connie who frequently suffers from hallucinations brought on by Steven's own mental instability, initially thought to be Connie's fighting 'skills' being overwhelmed by her edgy 14-year-old mind, being the downward spiral moment of the series if it had any upping points. Have zero personality of her own. The Crewiverse likes to make people of Beach City(even Garnet) wet for her when every she appears, even though she's a fusion of 2 kids. Her weapon is just Pink Diamond's sword and shield. Rebecca uses Baitvonnie to push/pander to her Tumblr crowd to love her more.
  • Smoky Quartz - A fat, ugly as fuck fusion of Steven and Amethyst. This fruit is such a shit waifu that 4chan straight up gave up on fapping to every Gem in this show. Immediately, Tumblrites started drawing the most disgustingly obese incarnations of him that could exist, doubling the demand in Clorox bleach. His weapon's a yo-yo. No jokes, he flings a giant yo-yo at his enemies to attack.
  • Rainbow Quartz - The Pink Diamond and Pearl fusion that was made just for Pearl to show just how thirsty she was to Pink; then again fuse in the 80s to (for Pink) impress Greg and (for Pearl) to be a cunt to him for not able to fuse with her diamond. Also she came out around the time that Faggots got the right to marry across the US.
  • Rainbow 2.0 - (yes that is his name) A water down, Mary Poppins version of Rainbow Quartz made up of Pearl and Steven. Is literally a walking British stereotype. Has an out of nowhere British accent and his weapon is a fucking umbrella.
  • Sunstone - The Garnet-Steven surfer dude(while wearing booty shorts) fusion that just spats out unfunny, Sonic Sez like PSA messages to the viewers. Almost no one likes this fusion. His weapon is just two window suction cups.
  • Obsidian - The mega fusion of Steven and the CGs. Its just their house, nothing that special. Her weapon is a large fire sword.
  • Stag - The Greg-Steven rocker alpha male fusion. Has a 6 pack complete with doing some hip thrust. Was fused in the movie to flirt with Pearl to get her memories back; which made Tumblr BAWWW with hatred with how hyper masculine he was plus hitting on Pearl. So for once, the crew done something good.


See: Steven Universe/Episode Guide

The fandom

Steven Universe was a Mistake.png

The show's fandom frequently proves itself to be the worst fandom ever conceived. That's right. Worse than the fandoms of My Little Pony, The Powerpuff Girls, Sonic the Hedgehog, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Five Nights at Freddy's combined. The main reason this fandom is such a shit-heap is because even theCrewniverse are a bunch of self-titled faggots as they were the ones who decided to saturate the show with SJW toxins. Because of those toxins, the show attracted enough Social Justice Wankers for them to comprise the majority of the entire fandom. These degenerates praise the show for shit nobody cares about such as the Gems having no gender(nope, all the gems are female), Stevonnie (and Smoky Quartz) using they/them pronouns and Intersex, power of friendship/love to the villains, fucked up morals and lessons, wasting talented people on their shit writing(see Yellow Diamond) and minorities (lots and lots of minorities), etc.

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

The first thing you'll notice is the plethora of "Fat acceptance activists" who act as fanart police. If you draw any of the fatass characters skinny, you'll be shat on and permanently labelled as a fat-shaming scumbag. If you draw any of the black characters or Garnet with lighter skin, you'll be relentlessly titled a racist. If you draw a Jewish character with a small nose instead of a stereotypical giant sniffer, you're STILL somehow called a Nazi. They also think that certain ships are at a level of cancer that's higher than that of regular ships, and will label you anything from a homophobe to a pedophile depending on what ship you're offending them with. These shitheads are so bad that they even ran a storyboard artist of the show (Lauren Zuke) off of Twitter for it( thou turns out Zuke is just as autistic as the fanbase) and drove one of the show's many artfags, zamii070, to attempt suicide(turns out she was right about Rose as Rose was just a skinny Diamond pretending to be fat). I shit you fucking not.[1]. When Sugilite debuted, these cancerous fanatics somehow got it in their heads that, even though not a single Gem is black, Sugilite's roid-rage in contrast with Pearl's façade of sanity was a metaphor for white supremacy and chased one of the staff off of tumblr.

These two events only constitute an incredibly small fraction of this fandom's ever-expanding history of making absolute fuckwits out of themselves. In the show, there's a place called the "Keystone Motel". It just so happens that this place exists IRL also; so fans wrote fake reviews recalling Ruby and Sapphire's antics without it once crossing their minds that most people who are going to read these aren't autistic manchildren who'd get the joke or that the reviews could fuck up such a small business.

When Steven Universe's 100-episode special came out, they started crying again, saying that the Crystal Gem "Bismuth" is a racist stereotype and promoting actual MURDER.

Abuse victims of the fandom

  • zamii070.tumblr (Failed an hero)
  • The Undertale fandom (Latched onto it like cancer)
  • The Overwatch fandom (Latched onto it like cancer)
  • tyrant-rex.tumblr (failed an hero)
  • floredoodler.tumblr (JK, flore just wanted to exploit the bandwagon for attention)

The only fandom that managed to victimize this one was the Undertale fandom, as it was cancerous enough to claim that "Stronger than You" was a plagiarism of their shitty Undertale parody.

Miscellaneous information


  • Steven could kill you in a fight because his a OP god diamond.
  • It's been confirmed that Crystal Gems have no sex. Thou Rebecca fucks this up hard by making every gem female so she can get wet with her lesbian ships for her fanbase; also how Pink Diamond made a pussy then a womb to gave birth to Steven in the first place.
    • Tumblr snowflakes condemn people who don't know this and think that the Gems are all chicks as dirty cis male Nazi hetero homophobes that need to be lynched for not caring enough about the show's trivia.
  • Healing a corrupted Gem is impossible.
  • Greg still lives in a van.
  • Jasper won't be redeemed. If you honestly think she will, you're a fucking idiot.
  • The Gems arrived somewhere in ~4000.BC and proceeded to massively fuck with history, with some of the shenanigans including:
    • Earth's continents being all fucked up and distorted. Russia is gone(mostly for how anti faggot Russia is) but the important ones are fine tho.
    • Christianity and Islam apparently not existing (but Judaism exists and it can be safely assumed that the Jews, being greedy wealth-loving fucks, worship gems as gods).
    • WW2 didn't happen, no lolocaust either (at least that was unchanged).
    • Canada's flag being green and white.
  • Pink Diamond did it for the lulz.(Pretty much cause most of the show's problems)
  • This show does not in fact have le DEEPEST LORE as its all over the place and the crew don't know the fuck they're doing.


No comment.

Trolling the fandom

The crewniverse promoting pedophilia.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing

Or you could just bait-and-switch the poor fuckers to this page, they'll pussy-out At least 100 percent of the time.

Attack the Light

Error creating thumbnail: File missing

In April 2015, a group of childish manlets working for "Grumpyface Studios" thought it was a good idea to develop a Steven Universe RPG for iOS and Android mobiles to add to their collection of other brilliant games based on Cartoon Network shows. "Attack the Light" was conceived as a result of Tumblrfags whining and sobbing because their favorite fat autistic 14-year-old hero didn't have his own video game. The fags wasting their lives at Grumpyface Studios saw this and immediately took the chance to spoil every fantard with a trailer of their game at FAGfest 2014.

The game costs $3.00 on the App Store, and plays like the most generic RPG in history, utilizing the touch screen to literally do everything in-game allowing all of the pathetic losers who play it to swipe their filthy, salty fingers over the touch screen repeatedly until the screen looks like vomit. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl play the offensive positions, while Steven supports them by forcing Diabeetus down their throats such as Cookie Cats, Bagel Sandwiches, and Rose's Tears. Player's HP is referred to as "harmony" in this game, and if a Gem loses all of their "harmony" then they are forced to emoquit in their gemstone until the battle is over. Battle sequences are tedious, boring, and repetitive, and consist of a ridiculously small variety of enemies, known as "Light Monsters". The attack methods during boss battles are blatantly obvious as well, and sometimes Steven will literally force the Crystal Gems to fuse into Alexandrite when the boss won't fuck off. Oh, and there's now a "Diamond Mode" for all the MLG Swagfags out there who want a "challenge".

In summary, this game fucking sucks. Look at how boring the gameplay is...


A man on the cusp of manhood can't spend the whole day whackering.


Steven Universe

Will you help me into my birthday suit?


—Steven Universe

I learned to stay true to myself by watching myself die!


Steven Universe, urging children everywhere to commit seppuku

Oh Steven. You don't have healing tears; you'll never have any real magic powers, and we don't want anything more to do with you.



Eeh. You need to put some more "ball" in your cannon.


—Amethyst talking to Steven.

Hey it's cool man. I've seen your junk before.





Buck Dewey

Dearest Jamie, No. The end. Forever. And even after that.


—Yours truly, Garnet.

I think crying is really fun.


—Rebecca Sugar

I like the way humans being play. I like playing along.


—Rose Quartz

Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak Gems stronger.


—Jasper, who fused with Lapis because she lost a fight.




You clods don't know what you're doing!



You crystal clods!



I guess I'm just too smart for the likes of you lumpy clumpy clods!



You insufferable half-formed traitor mega-clods!!



I'm running out of ways to say "Clod".



It has no functional purpose. It just makes me feel bad.



UT fans honestly thought this was the original.
Behold the highest art attainable from Adobe After Effects.
Steven you sick fuck!
An SU staff member actually shared this on his twitter
Another staff member actually acknowledged this on zer twitter


Image Gallery About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also

External links

Steven Universe
is part of animated shows, a series on

Not to be confused with Animu
Disney [-+]
Cartoon Network & Adult Swim [-+]
Nickelodeon [-+]
Fox & Warner Bros [-+]
Hasbro [-+]
Other Networks [-+]
Portal anime.png

Steven Universe is part of a series on


Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

Portal icon television.gif

Steven Universe is part of a series on


Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.

Portal icon - social justice.gif

Steven Universe is part of a series on

Social Justice

Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.

{{Timeline|Featured article August 14th & 15th, 2014|K-On!|Steven Universe|HowToBasic