Also known as a Hiptop (manufactured by Danger Inc.), an unnecessarily popular mobile device that allows T-mobile (in the USA) or Fido subscribers (in Canada) to have constant access to QWERTY keyboards, SMS messages, and of course Michael Jackson.
When first introduced, all posing tecnonerds wet themselves with joy, despite the hefty $500 price tag if you refused to whore your wallet out for a locked in 3 year plan ($250 taken off if you got roped in) and the fact that it sucked. In return for the filthy lucre shelled out, the user received: Retarded T-Mobile cellular service (which sucks), GRPS world phone functionality, "over the air" instant OS upgrades of the DangerOS, a catalog that allowed the user to instantly download games and apps (for a fee of course), SMS, AIM, email access and a web browser that's as slow as shit and loads pages like shit.
Although ostensibly sold as a cellular phone, the horrifying truth is that the phone sucks much balls. In the first generation hiptop, the rotating screen was raised so high from the body of the unit, that you actually had to tip the phone back and forth... one way to listen, another to speak. Thus hapless Hiptop users were forced to purchase headsets and wear them at all times in order to communicate, looking even more like dweebs.
Even better is the marked, incredibly short lifespan of the Hiptop's built in battery pack. After a full charge, if one doesn't use the more power greedy applications of the Hiptop, the battery will last perhaps two days before the Hiptop automatically shuts down. If one uses the browser and built in AIM client, and even then, uses those sparingly, the best one can hope for is maybe a day and a half. Tops. Putting salt into the wound is that fact that the user cannot access the lithium battery pack, instead having to take it to their cellular provider, who will bend them over the counter and butthurt them for the price of the battery and the labour to install it, which really just entails removing a single screw in the rear of the unit and plonking a new pack in. Natually, the user will have to take the unit home and recharge the unit for 18 hours which can result in "Hiptop Withdrawal", which in itself can be the source of much lulz.
Another weak point of the Hiptop is the screen. When first introduced, it was a breakthrough for size, the introduction of color and so forth, but major frustration was found more in breakage of the screen, since it swung to the open position 180 degrees on a single, central pivot post. If, while open, enough force was applied to the screen of the unit, a user could find themselves with a two part tale of woe as teh screen separated from the body. Enter your cell provider; all erect, lubed up and waiting to slip it in upon your arrival at the repair shop for moar butthurt and lulz at your expense.
QotD regarding the hiptop: "welcome to sf, this device is the only way you can have friends"
|Sidekick is part of a series on Language & Communication|
- Hiptops Aint Hip - A lulzy song by a parody hardcore band about Shittops: Link