Seasonal Affective Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder, often abbreviated as W.A.H., is a made up disease. Sufferers of this terrible affliction like to think that they're in some way out of the ordinary and deserve special attention, when in fact the only thing wrong with them is a severe case of USI.
W.A.H. is related to fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, in that they're all imaginary diseases used by crybabies to avoid responsibility. Basement dwellers are immune to W.A.H. as basements are impervious to the vagaries of weather.
Symptoms and Treatment
Do you prefer summer to winter? Congratulations! You are diseased. You deserve special attention. Seasonal Affective Disorder is said to be caused by a lack of Vitamin D, which the sun is used to make within the body. This is an utterly false claim, as the internet proves. If a lack of sunlight made you depressed, the internet would be full of sullen, hateful people displaying a lack of motivation and energy. Happily, S.A.D. is complete shit, because that internet would suck ass.
It is doubtful that many practitioners actually believe S.A.D. exists, because the primary treatment is the “take-this-and-shut-the-fuck-up” SSRI's, which fix S.A.D. as well as they do depression and other fake diseases. The medication does not treat a paucity of sunlight, as the lack of a Prozac pipeline to Alaska proves, but it does tend to keep housewives from mouthing off and aspiring to be other than sandwich-making sex workers, as God intended.
An Objective Comparison of SAD and Closeted Homosexuality
The symptoms of S.A.D. include craving of carbohydrates, decreased sex drive, and withdraw from spouse. Closet faggots spend their time avoiding having sex with their wives to pack fudge into their various orifices. Both are prone to suicide. S.A.D. sufferers avoid venturing into the sun, and homos in denial spend all of their time in dark alleys or strange basements. Both will starve themselves due to poor self image, and lose large amounts of weight. Ergo, all S.A.D. sufferers are closeted faggots and should an hero ASAP.
Turn on the lights. Seriously, this "disease" can be cured by walking over to the wall and flicking the switch. Some sufferers claim that they need special light bulbs to feel better, but they are just trying to scam their insurance into buying them special light bulbs that cost a shit ton of money. Most healthcare providers are falling for it, because these light bulbs are covered as treatment for S.A.D. If you file to get one and it works for you, try to get a bouncy house next. It's bound to make you happier than fancy lightbulbs. And assuming it's not semen encrusted like everything else you own, it will last longer, too.
Every human being that's ever lived, ever. But don't let that stop you from making a youtube channel that chronicles your struggle. Why not call in sick for work and tell your boss that you wish it was sunnier outside?
|Featured article November 6 & November 7, 2013|
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