Sarahisnifty

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search

There's this monotone bitch known as sarahisnifty (born Sarah Kocich; September 28, 1987) who is an American camwhore and Aspie. Like many others in her field of business, she has accumulated a following of dedicated white knights that help pay her bills. Those fortunate enough to break away from buying something on her Amazon wishlist and cease from checking her Twitter have come to their senses. Sometimes even the horniest must quit when they realize they've spent an entire night fapping to a wax figure staring back blankly.

"Hi, I'm Sarah. Very apathetic to see you."

Family and upbringing

Sarah is a New Yorker born to a high schooler who received no support from family. She was given up to adoption and has been looking for her mom ever since. During pregnancy her parents smoked pot and drank alchy-hol... and some other drugs. This may explain everything. Sarah loves to mention her Indian blood... give or take 1/4. She had a full blooded Blackfoot grandmother who was forced into marriage by her drunken Irish grand daddy.

Her most dedicated fans realize Sarah is not a happy person. In fact, she has not been happy a single day of her miserable life. Much like the true story of Dexter Morgan, her adoptive father taught her how to pretend to be normal and smile when a camera is present. This did not translate well into her current cam-whoring days. More cheerful folk in the land of the interwebs are likely to say "smile for daddy" and "you'd be much prettier if you smiled more" in a very comforting way.

Early whoring

Sarah may be known by that video you came across once or twice. She was most definitely 18 at the time and stripped to her pannies for our enjoyment. She had yet to find an audience.

JTV Whore University was the breeding grounds for future camwhores. Sarah was one of them. For a year or two she attempted to strip without showing the damaged goods. We learned much about her from fireside chats with the fans. Most notably her monotone voice and her lack of facial muscles.

Before too long, Sarah showed too much. Justin.tv was angwy and banned her ass. She attempted to make other accounts before she realized that she could make money from this.

Eh... Something came up

Sharing her life-story with the people she hates

Hard knock life

Surprisingly, not too often, the true trauma Sarah has experienced is explored. Last Thursday she got in a fight with a bigger bitch at a dance club. Her support group she rounded up were those who would rather see her naked. No matter the situation, the loyal fan-base comes to her defense. Her idea of therapy is to look into a camera lens and document her not so convenient life. Afterward, she was done. No nudity, just sobbing covered in bruises.

Twitter posts of hers is a glimpse into her problem-prone life. Some of them consist of her explaining why she can't be on cam after rescheduling twice beforehand. These include computer problems, thunder storms, high winds, having a stomachache, vomiting up her recent meal, or just being completely vague.

Sarahissick.png

Loyal assclowns

Along her way to whore-dom, Sarah got to know Admins, Mods, and fans who would go to the ends of the earth for her (as long as they don't need to leave their computer screens). The most infamous is Captain. All that is known about Captain is his douchebaggery. If sarahisnifty was a night club, he would be the bouncer. He keeps white knights in and anyone else out. Don't post links, no requests; just praise. Praise Sarah and you'll make it just fine. Oh, and he won't stop asking for tips/donations. A donation is no longer a donation is someone forces it out of your pocket.

Another is SINbot, the incompetent PR and money launderer. SINbot takes the cash made and gives it all to Sarah. He's the in-between guy. Not as arrogant as Captain, but equally an assclown. His PayPal name suggests his real name is Bryan and not just Sarah secretly acting as her own Admin.

SIN banned.jpg

Lastly is the one who calls himself SarahIsAwzum. There's not enough evidence to prove he may also be Sarah pulling some strings. Since her beginning, all S.I.A knew was to give praise. If he got blue balls as a result of Sarah taking too long, he thanked her. If Sarah sent a flock of niggers to his house to rape him, he was grateful. Basically, if there's anything critical to say of Sarah, he jumps in with compliments before you can type. He has been donating hundreds of dollars a night for a while. He is Sarah's bitch. Quite frankly, Sarah finds him to be an annoyance.

Integrity

Sarah is known to carry a throbbing purple-tipped banhammer. A chatter who brings up a naive question will be swiftly IP-banned. Sarah does not like to mention what college has been like and ignores talk of some videos of her previous camming. Sarah is a classy lady and is only naked for those who tip, you see?

She has said time and time again that she won't show boobs vagina close-ups masturbation her cervix. She gives in whenever the money talks. It takes a few days for her fans to get 1,000 dollars together. But in the end, the 10 minutes of nudity is worth it. Even when the money is raised Sarah must straighten her hair and put on make-up (for the third time) so her tits to look bigger. The next showing, about a month later after many delays, Sarah shows her loyal fans what she did with their money. Whether it be new lingerie or fur coats, they must pay to see her play dress-up.

Her warm-up sessions precluding her "stripping" usually include playing with her pussy and being off screen for minutes at a time. When the fun really begins is when Sarah has made enough donations so that only the few people who gave in see her on a private cam.

Sarah attempts to gather enough views by jumping sites across the interwebs; her official site, ICanHazChat, TwitCam, and cam4 to name a few. She holds up a sign with her Twitter account written on it. If you follow her, you'll get links to see her nude live, although, she is already nude while advertising.

Sarah loses her virginity for the umpteenth time

Sexuality

From seeing her during sexy time, it is evident that Sarah is not aware of her own body. Sarah is not sure how to use a sex toy properly and uses minimal effort in order to get herself off. This all happens within a 15 minute time frame. Then she kisses us goodbye and blows her funds on VIP passes to unknown DJs instead of her overdue rent.

If the high class donators are lucky enough, we may see Sarah bring home some night club bastard; complete with body tattoos and spiked hair. It is a sight to see; quite cringe-worthy. The mating rituals between the two are much like teens trying to stay quiet because mom is trying to sleep down the hall. Also, Sarah is rediscovering sex each time; she has no idea what to do. The boy-toys are equally awkward, as if Sarah meets them at an all Aspie rave.

After one fateful night of love making, her infamous bisexual douche bag fudge-packer went off to find guys to bone his boy pussy. Sarah was verbally upset (visually her face was blank) and sarcastically warned him not to get AIDS. Sarah obviously knows how to end a first date; Conversation Skills 101.

Bisexual? Nah

On September 22, 2012, Sarah attempted to have her first live girl/girl show. Arguably, the most hilarious part of the night was Sarah not being sure of where the clitoris on the other women was located. This may indicate that Sarah is not the least bit bisexual.

External links