- Not to be confused with Portal 2
- Were you looking for Uwe Boll's failed kickstarter squeal campaign?
Postal 2 is a particularly lulzy game where you play a wife-beating, trailer trash autistic who's dressed like some cross between a hipster, a pedophile and a guy planning to commit a school shooting. Your mission is to run some errands for your bitch wife/girlfriend/random prostitute that lives in your home, and on the way kill many retards, trannies, commies, sand niggers, wops, chinks, cunts, general faggots and specific faggots like Tim Schafer, Milo Yiannopoulos and Gary Coleman.
—Postal Dude, fucking genius
The game starts out on a Monday, when the Postal Dude's bitch asks him to do some shit. The Postal dude is a tall thin man with a goatee, sunglasses, an alien t-shirt, and a long black leather coat. He lives in a trailer park, in the white trash town of Paradise, Arizona.
The purpose of this game is to do errands, while being attacked by Al-Qaeda, Rednecks, ATF agents, savage butchers, and other annoying assholes. In one of the errands you get to piss on Gary Coleman. As you progress through the game you unlock more areas, and more people get pissed off at you. When the Game first came out it took over 9000 seconds to get to the next area, which made people unwilling to explore new areas. The Apocalypse Weekend patch fixed this problem, loading areas is much faster. The game originally ended on a Friday, however with the game's add-ons it ends on Friday, or Sunday depending on what you chose. At the end of Sunday, the Postal Dude ends up killing "Mike J Tourette Zombie Cow Master (Kosher god of Hellfire)". Is that ghey and queer enough for you, cuntboy?
- The Postal Dude's foot
- Brass knuckles, Taser, Shovel, Police baton, Sledgehammer, Baseball Bat, Machete, Scythe, Meat Cleaver, Pitchfork, Katana, Fire Axe, Karma Gun.
- Pistol, Silencer, Colt Revolver.
- Spas Shotgun, SMEG Shotgun, Sawed-off Shotgun.
- M4 Carbine, Silenced Ingram.
- Gas Can & matches, Flamethrower, Chainsaw
- Grenades, Molotov Cocktails, Scissors, Cartoon bomb, Shurikens, Hallucinogenic syringes, Holy Hand Grenade
- Anthrax filled Cow-heads, Can of Cyanide gas.
- Sniper Rifle, Silenced Sniper Rifle
- Rocket Launcher, WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction), Grenade Launcher, Mini-nuke launcher
- Napalm Launcher, your mom's cock
- The Postal Dude's penis. Can be used to piss into the mouths of innocent bystanders and cops alike to make them puke (or
sometimesthey WILL attack you), bonus points for pissing on a Friday when Dude has gonorrhea.
The shitty programmers made the weapons too weak when the game first came out. The Apocalypse Weekend patch made the weapons much stronger and fixed the problem. And FUCK ALL THIS. Go out and K-I-L-L S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G. Preferably your self-esteem.
Concerned parents and politicians shit themselves and stated that the game was extremely violent and should be banned in America. It was already banned in Australia, Brazil, Argentina, and ten other countries. This game is far more
violent lawlzy than Grand Theft Auto, even though GTA made politicians piss their pants more. Postal was the first game in history to earn an "Intense Violence" rating from the ESRB, back in 2003. Must be doing something right.
Some examples of media and "authority" butthurt? Okay!
Violence and Police Brutality
- The option of attacking and/or killing: Cops, Army Soldiers, bystanders, cats, dogs, cows, elephants, and Gary Coleman.
- Decapitating people with shovels, machetes, or similar weapons.
- Setting people on fire with Gasoline and matches, to Molotov Cocktails, and Napalm launchers or even the kicking about of burning heads.
- Stun gunning people until they cower on the ground and urinate on themselves.
- Playing "fetch" with dogs using the severed heads of slain NPCs
- Pressing the "R" key, pulling out your dick and shoving it into random by passers.
- Pissing in peoples mouths until they puke, then while they are puking cut their heads off and watch the barf splash out their throats.
current and past lulzy events
- Al-Qaeda terrorists who carry out a suicide bombing of a church and a marching band (these characters all resemble Osama bin Laden and many characters in the game of Middle Eastern descent are shown to be connected in some way with the terrorists).
- The hunt for weapon of mass destruction in Iraq is parodied in the weapon called the "Weapon of Mass Destruction".
- Anthrax-filled cow's heads used as weapons which make the victims vomit blood.
- A scene that bears resemblance to the Waco Siege of 1993, with a cult group being surrounded by ATF agents at "the compound".
- Jihad, the company that makes the goat milk in Monday's chores will provoke the shop owner to make a sound similar to the Muslim war cry.
- References to Columbine and other school slaughters are present as well.
- The game hates fags and will reward you if you kill twenty, in the arcade game "Fag Hunter".
- Racial Stereotypes, such as all niggers look pretty much alike. All the Muslims in the game are terrorists.
- Actually, stereotypes don't mean shit in Postal, because it hates everyone equally. Lol.
- Tim Schafer - He's in the game as a fat, thieving sexual deviant. So true to part
- Milo Yiannopoulos - Also in the game as a flaming faggot (you can literally set him on fire). Again, realism
- Gary Coleman - Also in the game
- Grand Theft Auto - The shitty version of this game
- Saints Row - Better, but still not good enough
- Hatred - Contender for the "Most Edgy" crown
- Osama Bin Laden
- Gary Coleman
- Postal 1 - A better version of Hatred
- Postal 3
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