Missy; (Melissa Bryan) also known as Jennifer Cromwelle White Feather, Katherine Horton – James, Abrana Garcia, The Black Bitch, Billy's Gal, Can Chaser Kate, Outlaw's Lady, and “lovable Christmas character” Senora C, is a batshit psycho lolcow asspie drama queen attention whore from
Arroyo Seco Questa New Mexico PO Box 809 Roseburg, OR 97470.
She is responsible for epic drama and faggotry on Failbook, Freewebs, JewTube, Ning and many MANY other places. She is of course afflicted with a terminal case of unwarranted self importance. Kind of goes without saying.
Missy stalks and harasses people. She is fond of accusing others of all kinds of stupid shit, even things they had nothing to do with. Mostly this is to cover up the complete failure of her own affairs, partly because she has a revenge fetish, also because she can’t figure out what the fuck the Internet, Anon or trolling really is. She has dragged people into IRL LEGAL ACTION OMGZ court requiring them to “clear their names” of her insane accusations. Needless to say the lulz generated by such stupidity more than made up for it.
People usually ignore her. Since Missy can't abide being ignored and since she has nothing else to do, she starts shit herself. Finding somebody on the Internets she doesn't like, Missy starts accusing them of stalking or whatever else she can think of. Then she starts stalking and harassing them. Being a complete psychotic hypocrite she can't understand why folks might react negatively to getting stalked, harassed or reported to the FBI and the police. Just like she can’t understand why repeatedly screaming death threats on Facebook because someone complained about her screaming death threats on Facebook will simply generate MOAR COMPLAINANTS ON FACEBOOK. Causality is not one of her strong suits.
When a random person honestly gives out constructive criticism, Missy acts like a weepy drama queen one moment, then threatens to become an hero the next and finally threatens to pull out her pistolas to kill everybody. Needless to say this has gotten her unwanted attention from her local police and a lot of trolls.
Her behavior is intended to make her into an awesome net warrior and strike fear into people. This fails since it violates the Second Lawl of Internets Drama-Dynamics: to wit, "Drama in the E-Universe is always increasing." Besides, she’s a drama whore so the Lawl counts double.
- 1 Early Career.
- 2 Important People
- 3 Less Important People
- 4 Missy AKA Senora C AKA Ms Native American Santa Claus.
- 5 Missy and the New Mexico DMV
- 6 Missy vs Angelofthynight.com
- 7 Missy vs Oddempire.com
- 8 Missy on YouTube
- 9 Blogtalk Radio and the Idle No More fiasco.
- 10 Aftermath
- 11 How to Troll Missy
- 12 Quotes
- 13 External Links
- 14 See Also
Missy came on the radar by doing Google searches for the famous outlaw Billy the Kid (the doowd Emilio Estevez plays in Young Guns.) After deciding that she once had Billy the Kid’s children when he was 12, she began spending all of her time trying to clear up her “husband“ Billy’s reputation.
Her method was befitting a clueless middle aged ass burger as she signed on to one forum after another demanding users stop talking shit about members of “her family.” If they refused she promised to report them to the FBI, Slander, Slander Salamander and the Internet Police, after murdering them. She was astonished that her powerful incantations of doom were ineffective and dismayed when forum users began to make fun of her.
Then she began stalking forum users by publishing their dox (ironically) on anti stalking and harassment forums. This prompted one Billy the Kid forum moderator to respond like this.
Soon after, Missy realized she had a destiny to become a mighty Internet warrior.
The Cactus Flats Debacle
Back in the bad old days of Web 1.0 Missy decided that she was going to become a rich venue owner and began work on Arizona’s newest and most up-to-date cowboy arena, the Cactus Flats Ranch.
After creating a website using Microcrap Frontpage MIssy began the laborious task of interviewing and hiring people. She placed adds in the local newspaper and Craigslist where she knew she could get the highest quality niggas to be her cowpokes. After she hired several people and put them to work waxing her truck or something, she went to the bank and demanded an unsecured loan for millions so she could build her dream ranch, pay her rent, buy groceries and also pay her new
slaves "employees." She was was shocked when the bank turned her down.
Shortly thereafter she found herself in front of a judge answering impertinent questions about why she had to pay back-rent for her crappy apartment that was owned by “some crazy landlady.” Missy informed the judge that it was the bank manager’s fault that she didn’t have any money.
In a complete miscarriage of justice the judge and crazy landlady told her to GTFO, pay back rent and the services of the Sheriff's office to evict her. She also had a pack of angry niggas after her so she and her husband were forced to declare bankruptcy, skip town and move to a retched hive of scum and villainy. A place so foul, so vile that nobody would ever find them. The state of New Mexico
Soon after arriving in New Mexico, Missy began using Facebook as a means to promote the completely spooky Halloween decorations on her porch and the fact that she dresses up like Mrs. Santa. Seeing that Facebook was a popularity game and NOT an attempt to get moar jewgold for Mark Zuckerberg, Missy began friending everyone as fast as she could without regard to who or what her new
friends trolls were. It was far more important to get 5000 people on her friends list so that she could have her own fan page.
It came as quite a surprise for Missy that, not only that she didn’t need to level up to make herself a fan page, that her over 9000 “friends” on Facebook were not really friends IRL. She was quite surprised that after publishing her phone numbers, address and other dox on Facebook (like "Phone, 575-776-3141. Alternate Phone, 575-776-7590. Email, [email protected]") some of her “friends” began trolling her. She responded the same way she responded to the Billy the Kid trolls. She threatened to kill them. When threats were not enough she began posting emails and SMS messages sent from the trolls along with her responses thereby giving them instant gratification. This cunning plan backfired and resulted in even more SMS trolling.
- TROLL: "Walking is good exercise and gets the pounds off."
- MISSY: I Dislike Walking.
- TROLL: "I am sure your mommy would let you move back in and get you therapy."
- MISSY I Don't want to go back to CA. and I DON'T Need Therapy!
- TROLL "You shouldn't threaten dan (her husband) with rat poison, it is against the law."
- MISSY: I DID NOT and I WILL See Mr. Creepy DEAD by year's End!
- TROLL: "Dan must be so afraid. You outweigh him by 200 pounds!"
- MISSY; NO I DO NOT! That is a Fucking LIE!"
When her strategy of threats and publishing trolling messages didn’t work out, she began threatening to kill herself which resulted in all her dox getting used in calls to her local police department for welfare visits. This resulted in several appearances by the po-po which made her even more agitated, which of course resulted in even more death threats and more trolling.
Finally she claimed that because of all these shenanigans, she was ordered to remove herself from Facebook by her local police but, unsurprisingly, not by the Facebook mods. This was revealed to be just another bunch of crap as Missy jumped back onto Facebook a few months later.
Last Thursday, Missy moved all activity from her locked personal account that a mere 5000 “friends” can see to an unlocked business account that anyone can see. Shortly thereafter most of her Facebook accounts went inactive after Missy threatened to sue Failbook.
(PROTIP, you can say whatever you want on Failbook, don’t threaten to sue!)
Just a short while after getting thrown off of Failbook, Missy said this in her Google circles.
Missy want her Failbook Petition
Missy likes to create whiny petitions so that other people can get her out of whatever jam she happens to be in. Her petitions are yet another opportunity to troll her because while she can remove troll posts she often follows up by complaining on the petition itself about how she is being stalked. Otherwise the petitions are meaningless since nobody really gives a red-fuck about them. Missy thinks otherwise.
Missy on Snuffing it
Trying to become an hero is a reoccurring theme for Missy. She claims that she is going to commit suicide during nearly every trolling cycle, almost once a week when she was on Failbook. Usually this is by eating herself to death, taking too much Tylenol or some other demented thing like walking into the wilderness to slowly freeze. Most trolls ignore this since it is so frequent, also since she never threatens to do something interesting like committing Seppuku or shooting herself. Something more realistic! Her suicide threats are simply a failtool to gain attention, sympathy and to get her trolls in trouble. They have become some use to her trolls, a number of her 5000 Failebook friends found making a few complaints about her an hero threats to FB creates months of lulz.
This ended during her second Failebook period when the local Sheriff threatened to bring a straight jacket the next time were forced to drive over to her place for a welfare visit. After her subsequent "meltdown," so many people bitched that an actual Facebook moderator looked at her account and lowered the banhammer.
Missy now makes her suicide threats on Twitter and other social networking services. Since it is more difficult to make complaints on single twits, she is safe to make Twitter posts like this one from Feb 24, 2012.
Or this one from March 3, 2012
Or this one from March 4th 2012,
When Missyt threatens suicide on Twatter or whatever social media service she is blathering on, the following might be helpful.
- Name, Melissa Bryan.
- Location; 505 State Route 150, House Number 101 Arroyo Seco New Mexico (US) 87514
- Nearest Law Enforcement office; 575-776-7046
Missy and the BIA
Missy decided that she was related to several American Native tribes and has sent in applications to the Bureau of Indian Affairs to formally become a squaw so she can get a stipend because “those Americunts stole my land.”
She’s too stupid to realize that making false claims can allow US Government agents to assrape her as well as get real Indians pissed. When asked, Missy claimed that her ancestors told her in a dream she was really an injun and it was OK to go ahead and defraud US taxpayers.
When members of ED research contacted real Native Americans to find out what they thought of Missy’s story they answered – “stupid twat.”
Billy the Kid.
Melissa believes that she is the late wife of Billy the Kid. She claims that she had several of his babies when he was twelve. She went so far as to try to rid the Internet of any “bad” information about Billy. Believing correctly that her story of popping Billy’s cherry when he was twelve is better than any history fag’s version.
Billy the Kid is her constant companion and adviser, which could be why she wants to kill everyone. Missy believes that Billy the Kid was a kind gentle husband and father, not a brutal cop killer like all the history fags say. She went so far as to spearhead a campaign to pardon Billy the Kid by going to the New Mexico State Governor to plead her “husband's “ case. She created petitions and appeared on her local news feed.
Missy worked tirelessly on this worthy cause, forsaking career, Santa, family and even car payments to free her husband, even though he was actually dead. She ended up annoying the governor’s office so much that they sent the New Mexico Secret Service to ask her nicely to GTFO.
Missy vs Billy the Kid: Outlaw Legend Discussion Board
Missy began trolling an old west role playing forum demanding that they cease talking about members of her family Her famliy included Billy the Kid, anyone who ever knew Billy the Kid or anyone who was alive 100 years ago. At first the forum users thought this was a joke, then realized that Missy was serious business and meant it when she claimed she intended the forum users to be imprisoned by the cops, beaten with lead pipes and hanged at dawn. One user who went by the name “bond” began to make fun of Missy which only got her angrier.
Since Missy was having a hard time getting people on her side she created a series of socks who were coincidentally as crazy as she was and misspelled words the same. Finally Missy went away and the forum closed up realizing their conversations about Billy the Kid were boring compared with their encounter with Missy and the subsequent flame war.
Lord Rick or AngelofthyNight, a longtime provider of epic fagottry and lulz decided to use Missy as a convenient pawn to attack people. This was a highly intelligent move by Lord Rick. It was so smart that many people believe it was his sidekick Mike Dijital Turcotte who came up with the plan. Mike Dijital Turcotte is a real cunning asshole you have to admit.
Whatever really happened, Missy was talked into calling employers of trolls which Mike and Lord Rick had doxed for her. This worked in at least two cases; an IT fag from Florida got dumped from his cushy college job and a girl was fired from her crap job as a tax consultant in New York State.
Lord Rick, realizing that significant legal shit could result from fucking with someone’s livelihood called the whole thing off by making sexual overtures to Missy who reacted with horror. I mean really, who could blame her?
Missy then decided that Lord Rick had passed into the great beyond to join with the spirit world (in a very literal sense.) Even though factually he was still alive, Missy found out psychically and read it on some web page so it must be true. Since he's dead, it's made Lord Rick into a fucking sexy beast in Missy's eyes.
Michael James Turcotte
AKA Mike Dijital is a long time UER.ca member who got banned becuse he's a fucktard and teamed up with AngelofthyNight due to mutual butthurt. He'd encountered Missy when she was trolling some old west board. Quickly realizing her value as a sucker, he and AngelofthyNight began using her to attack people they didn't like. When asked why, Mike Dijital responded, "It was for the lulz."
Missy thinks she has a deep personal relationship with Santa. She has regular Santa sightings (which most of the time is any perverted fat dude with a beard.) She actually RECORDS each sighting like they were Elvis or something. Missy thinks Santa is a paranormal being and not some fat homeless duber who likes the Santa gig because it pays better than donating plasma. Besides you get kids to sit on your lap!
Less Important People
AKA Duane Dog Chapman is a cousin of Missy or so she says. Missy frequently shouts out to cousin Dog and has been known to threaten trolls in Dog's name. What's not known is whether Dog is actually related to Missy or if anyone gives two shits one way or the other.
Dan-the-Man AKA Hubby is the real life husband that Missy shares with her cat Jukebox, Santa and Billy the Kid. He has anger management problems and constantly gets into fights at work when he’s actually working which is not often. Missy claims that he beats the fucking crap out of her, but since he’s a sucker for her insane stories she keeps him around anyway. Missy outweighs him by ten stone and that helps. His mum doesn’t like Missy very much. Mum was described by Missy as a manipulator and a “user.” Of course this would confirm the notion that we marry our parents.
There have been those who express sympathy for Dan-the-Man. I mean, look at what the hell he married!
People who have met both remarked to ED Research “he’s as fucking insane as Missy, just not as smart.“
Missy AKA Senora C AKA Ms Native American Santa Claus.
Since Missy can’t grow a beard and become Santa yet, she imagines she is one of Santa’s helpers. Since Santa is a real honest to goodness entity like Bigfoot she believes dressing up as a Native American Mrs Santa Claus is of vital importance to …someone.
In truth; most Native Americans could give two shits about the birth of baby Jesus, Santa or any of that other medieval West Euro-fag bullshit. It goes without saying most adults in the US stop believing Santa is a fat guy who drives around in a sled pulled by magical flying deer. Instead; they believe Christmas is about a blond white boy who got poked into the vagoo of a middle eastern chick by a space alien and grew up to be a vintner. American Indian beliefs are tame by comparison.
Since Missy does not believe in the true meaning of Christmas she runs around all summer long trying to drum up interest on Craigslist about her idea of a Ms Native American Santa show. A show where she arrives in her 2010 red Dodge Ram Pickup, talks to dogs in their own language, tells children how she is related to George Washington, how she banged Billy the Kid when he was 12 and how they will get their darling heads blown off if they don’t believe her.
This proved to be an unpopular attraction in the Taos New Mexico area. It was so unpopular that one of her neighbors complained on the venerable site RippoffReport.com. ED scientists who examined the report concluded that it was written by a typical basement dweller just to stir up trouble. Not understanding the idea of trolling, Missy took what would have been a minor blip and expanded it to several dozen pages of lulz.
Because of this trolling, Missy decided that when she participates in future Christmas parades she will wrap the bed of her pickup with chicken-wire like a redneck Pope-mobile to prevent people from hurling beer bottles at her like last time. She also stated that she will be brandishing her firearms and will blow the head off of any child who approaches her in a threatening manner.
(PROTIP, if you and your family go to a New Mexico Xmas parade, keep a watchful eye on your little ones. If you see a red Dodge pickup with Missy in the back, RRRUUUNNN!)
Missy and the New Mexico DMV
Missy claims that she drives without a driver’s license. According to recent blog posts it’s because the State of New Mexico’s traffic laws are too stupid for her to pass.
It’s a good thing her local sheriff never reads ED because they could just sit across the street from her home in the US Post Office parking lot; located at 505 State Route 150 Arroyo Seco New Mexico and get a quick traffic collar. Missy claims she will “give the cops a piece of her mind” should they infringe on her constitutional right to drive her 2010 red Dodge Ram pickup. She claims to always carry an unlicensed concealed weapon in her purse too because the Second amendment says she can. I hope the police are careful!
Missy vs Angelofthynight.com
Some furfag named Roadwolf set up a blog to troll Lord Rick ironically called angelofthynight.com. After Lord Rick stopped trolling other people and got all boring, Roadwolf turned his sights on Missy since she was one of Lord Rick’s sidekicks. Missy claimed that she filed a restraining order on Roadwolf, however since he doesn’t live in the US, this is laughable.
Missy then dropped dox on Roadwolf and several people who write shit on his blog. After dropping dox she proceeded to hurl strong incantations of death suggesting that someone in her red pickup would show up in and kill everyone at several addresses. One user on the Angelofthynight.com blog responded;
More recently Missy attempted to take down the Angelofthynight blog by claiming satire was not protected under the US Constitution. Roadwolf being a loony and not subject to fucked up US laws, largely ignored her.
Missy vs Oddempire.com
Next, Missy trolled an unfunny nerd with a paranormal blog that nobody gives a shit about who dubbed himself Odd Emperor. Finding Mr. Odd Emperor’s dox on a white supremacist web page he’d fucked with or from AngelofthyNight (like there was a difference) she began to systematically take his paranormal blog down. Mr. Odd Emperor responded by writing tl;dr blogs about Missy which of course inflamed her even more.
Missy then made a number of free web pages extolling the virtues of the Odd Empire page and published dox on the publishers. When Mr. Odd Emperor had her pages beleeted she retaliated by sending letters to the K Mart where he worked. Since the letters were three or four pages long rants without a trace of punctuation they were largely ignored although since he’s such a duochbag, he got fired anyway.
Then Missy discovered since she's an insane, penniless jobless ass burger with whiny bitch syndrome she could get a free restraining order from her Domestic Violence Office against anyone who’d sent her an email. Since Mr. Odd Emperor replied to some of her ranting she got a domestic violence office to file a restraining order on him. New Mexico laws are pretty fucked up.
It is unknown exactly how this fared. Rumor has it that the case was thrown out due to the fact that Mr. Odd Emperor was thousands of miles away and the statute she cited was for “Domestic Abuse,” not trolling. When asked, Mr Odd Emperor stated that he is waiting until the “right moment“ to complete this faggotry by suing the living fuck out of Missy. Of course, her being a penniless, jobless, fucking insane ass burger she won’t have any money anyway.
Missy on YouTube
Missy began placing spam videos on her Jewtube to promote her Christmas and Halloween activities. Said activities included putting up completely spooky Halloween decorations or dressing as “Senora C.” an “American Indian take on Mrs. Santa Claus.” It’s obvious that nobody gives a bear shit in the woods about any of this. Putting up cardboard Halloween decorations that you get at Wal-Mart is not important to most people and most people don’t cosplay Santa’s wife either .
Because people on YouTube have honestly told her that she was behaving like a retard, she decided she was under “sustained and cruel cyber attack,” she baleeted all of her videos just to put up even moar retarded Youtubes extolling the virtues of herself and her so-called business. This led to even MOAR epic lulz which resulted in her delivering this lol hex to all of her fans.
Later she replaced her vids without explanation, but locked them so people could not comment, then she pulled them down again during subsequent trolling cycles. Then,in order to educate peeps on the results of a booty-bump rush, she submits the following.
Last Thursday Missy threatened to put up a video which would expose her tormenters once and for all. Since she doesn’t know who among her 5000 facebook friends bitched about her she will likely dox the wrong people again.
At some point; Missy discovered that there are a number of tards on JewTube who make insane videos of their neighbors because they think everyone is following THEM around with cameras. Missy is also a firm believer that everyone around her is a stalker and that all the people in her town are just actors hired by Anonymous to harass her. She discovered this just after watching a lame Jim Carrey flick.
This closely follows the beliefs of others who think people care about the daily lives of middle aged jobless ass burgers who live with their moms and peek out of curtains all day.
Missy can’t see that the very people she hangs with on YouTube are really hard-core stalkers because they are hard core losers in real life. Besides, gang staking is just faggotry because;
- gang stalking is a myth, whenever it happens, it’s just trolling.
- Anyone who thinks their neighbors are getting paid to spy on them is fucked in the head. (PROTIP, it’s not just your neighbors you paranoid shit, it’s everyone!)
- People who claim they are gang stalked always turn out to be hopeless, jobless shitheads. They have some value as troll-bait, but not much else.
It is no great shock that as Missy cozies up to gang stalking fanatics on JewTube she is more and more unable see the irony of people who secretly film their neighbors because they believe they are surrounded by secret spies are really using their paranoia as an excuse to stalk people. Missy fits right in because she likes to stalk people too, now she has a reason.
Blogtalk Radio and the Idle No More fiasco.
In early 2013, Missy imagined she was a world famous radio medium and joined a number of podcast sites. After getting thrown off of most for egregious terms of service violations, Missy decided that Blogtalk Radio was a good place to settle since nobody gives a shit about it. Also the fact that they don’t screen users very well or enforce their terms of service. It’s also free and since Missy can’t pay for a quality service like IPodderX she uses this one.
Missy hosted a couple of podcasts expecting hordes of happy listeners and stimulating talk like that of Howard Stern. She was shocked when nobody gave a crap. It was astounding that her podcast was listened to only by one insane lady in Oregon and AngelofthyNight who fapped over it.
The Great March Meltdown.
During the early months of 2013, Missy decided that she would become a rich teeshirt entrepreneur. After
creating stealing clipart from all over the intranets, she began to put together Idle No More tees using her oh-so original art. A couple of her trolls made fake orders which naturally convinced her that she would rake in the bux by charging $40 for the $32 tee shirts she would order from Café Press. This generated yet another Ripoff Report page and true to her form, instead of ignoring it like most people she decided that like an insane Assburger she would use her time on Blogtalk to shriek about it. The results are nearly an hour of screaming, ranting and insane assburger table smacking. The archive can be found here --> for the moment. Having some kind of standards, Blogtalk will get wind of this insane threat-fest and lower the banhammer. The podcast will no-doubt be preserved by many of her trolls for all eternity. Like here perhaps?
After getting tossed off of Failbook, Missy made a few abortive Wordpress blogs which were so full of death threats and dox that they crashed and burned faster than a spastic retard on a rocket assisted unicycle. A copy of one page turned up here with most of the dox removed.
More recently on her Twitter account, Missy decided that she was buying her first home, even though her husband can’t hold a job, she didn’t have any money and she declared bankruptcy just before getting booted out of her last apartment. Besides; Missy is too precious to work for a living. You can view this ongoing faggotry on her twatter feed #senorac2012.
Better hurry! Missy is prone to getting banned from any social networking site she uses, mostly because of lulzy tweets like this.
Otherwise, Missy and her clan continue to face stalkers and secret agents hired to follow her around 24/7. Missy’s future plans include becoming a sex slave for Anonymous, sucking R.T Sterling’s cock if she can get him away from his mom long enough and buying a private jet with the money she will get from business loans and suing ED.
ED is a hate group!
Missy has started her campaign to remove Ed from the Internets. On her business page she had this to say.
Members of the Occupy movement were asked by Ediot Research if they had any plans to occupy Missy or her home. They answered "LOL Wut?" The Party Van was also contacted on the possibility of Anonymous turning into the FBI, other than a terse "that's classified" we received no response.
How to Troll Missy
- Email Missy using a throwaway account, tell her she is about to get trolled. Using a proxy, repeatedly hit her web pages. Missy literally spends all day obsessing over her traffic. Otherwise DO NOTHING!
- Say anything about “Jukebox” her cat.
- Mention her weight.
- Mention that Billy the Kid was a cop-killer.
- Inform her that Ron Paul is a fucking jerk.
- Write anything on her Ripoff Report page.
- Write anything on this petition.
- or this one.
- Outlaw Life Enterprises LLC
- Backup of her March Meltdown] 
- Yet another petition because she got kicked off of Facebook
- RipoffReport go-go-go!
- Missy's lol response to this page
- - Missy’s current crapfest on twitter. (Locked profile.)
- You must friend her to see this.
- Missy's business Facebook
- Google Plus Page
- Current business page "Any and All Dissent against this Business with herewith and forthwith be Crushed through farther Policy implementation to Protect the Business at my Personal Discretion."
- Another business page
- Gig Salad
- Angie's List
- Tingle Tribe
- Archive of the Wordpress site
- Odd Empire.com
- A Billy the Kid forum Missy trolled.
- Referral Key
- IOSanta Ning Page
- Santa Claus Ning Page
- Spiritual Networks Page
- Diva Cafe Page
- Santa Talk Yahoo Group
- Internet tough guy
- Unwarranted self-importance
- Batshit insane
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Antisocial Personality Disorder
- An hero
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