Larry the Cable Guy

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Gib-r-gum?

Not to be confused with Gary the Fable Guy, Daniel Lawrence Whitney, is a redneck Americunt stand-up "comedian" and actor. He is one of the co-stars of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a group of "comedians" who wouldn't know what funny was if it raped them in the ear. These other comedians in the troupe merely leech off of Larry's hard-earned success, with the exception of Jeff Foxworthy, who is the working-class white male's answer to Bill Cosby. He also is known for his superb acting, most notably in the movies Delta Farce and Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Despite his acting abilities, Larry cannot hide his non-Southern roots, and has been rumored to enjoy partaking in some quite exotic activities. Also note that Larry only got his job for blowing Jeff Foxworthy.

Early life

Larry The Cable Guy spent his early childhood in a small closet. His father Tom Sr. was a minister at the Four Mile Church - you do the math. After a brief run-in with the law, he returned to Kenya. Larry was mostly raised by his white grandmother in Hawaii. Larry is a tremendous University of Nebraska football fan and can be seen regularly on the sidelines at their games, fingering the male cheerleaders. When asked why he was a Nebraska fan, he replied


   
 
I need my corn husked by a toothy moron. Git-r-done!
 

 
 

—Larry The Cable Guy, Gay Nazi

Career

Is evidence of Satan, as there is no other explanation for his fame and success. On another note, it could be evidence that Jeff Foxworthy is likewise a deity and that for fame all one must do is suck his mustached cock.

After closing this show at Laff-Laff's Chuckle Hut, Daniel entered the hospital with a mysterious fever. After three days of observation with no diagnosis, the fever began to subside. This sudden affliction left him scarred with a southern accent. The video below documents his original vocal style. Note the prominent lack of lulz, even pre-fever.

Political Affiliations

Git-r-heil.

Larry is a member in good standing in the Disney chapter of Gay Nazis. Perks include (but are not limited to) uninhibited sex with any pre-pubescent boy of his choosing, the ability to warp the minds of Americans into believing a catch phrase first uttered by a scientologist is amazing, and, of course, he can restart the holocaust any time. (We're all rooting for you on that front Larry!)

Git-R-Done and Other Catchphrases

Larry the Cable Guy uses catchphrase humor, including "Git-R-Done," "Lord, I apologize," "I don't care who you are that's funny right there," and "Whoa, who let the newfag in?". The popularity of the phrase "Git-R-Done" can be traced to white middle-class suburbia (is there another kind?) and lower-class city dwellers use in expressing an imaginary connection with the country or cowboy lifestyles. Most often used in reference to a task, since it is a take on "get her done," meaning to finish a job.

Often heard before lynchings and keg-stands, the etymology can be traced to the film "Carrie", the lines muttered by Scientology nut John Travolta just before they kill the pigs. The use of this catch phrase usually prefaces a complete tranformation into a cockgobbling 13 year old boy intent on spreading his faggotry to the masses. Unfortunately for the rest of us, other side-effects do not include death by gang rape.

The "Git-R-Done" phrase is also used by a large percentage of 13 year old boys who think it's funny. This automatically makes that person a douchebag.

He also uses the phrase "I don't care who you are that's funny right there" to let people know that they are stupid if they think one of his jokes are offensive rather than hilarious. Clearly he uses this one a lot.

Love Notes From David Cross

   
 
Think-Of-Something-To-Do-And-See-That-Task-To-Completion!!!!!
 

 
 

—David Cross, Jew

Whitney wrote a book "chock-full of fart jokes and straight talk about America," which spent the second chapter entertaining rednecks at the expense of "liberals" and specifically, Cross. Either sensing an opportunity for Lulz or in an honest display of Butthurt, David responded. [Dear Larry...]

tl;dr "Larry, you are an unfunny fuck and I am a farting genius."

Wikipedia Drama

  • TOW lulz regarding the David Cross feud, as well as minor trolling.

See Also

External Links

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