Estonians are descended of caveman neanderthals who started to infest the region after the end of the Ice Age. Even though the continent of fail known today as Europe was practically uninhabitable at the time, these cavemen were apparently stupid even by their day's standards. Leaving the warmth of their remote mountain caves, they settled in the flat, snowy, open ground which was practically useless. These dumfucks somehow found a way to survive (our loss), and kept on breeding and surviving.
A history of slave-masters
These dumfucks couldn't write until the 1300s, and didn't even print their first book until the Middle Ages. Due to the fact that they are a small race of incompetent savages, their land kept on being conquered and they passed from slave-master to slave-master. Then, in the 1800s, they began a so-called great awakening, where they recognized their great cultural achievements such as circle dancing and eating sticks of dried-up blood, but they were too busy being dominated by Russkies to do anything about it. Then, when the Russian Empire fell apart, they tried to be independent, but the newly-formed Soviet Russia quickly liberated Estonia from independence, and dominated it. Then, the Nazis invaded, and the Estonians jumped for joy. They helped the Germans clear away all their Jews, and then joined the German Army in invading Russia, as well as desperately fighting the Russian counter-offensive so that they could be dominated by the Nazis rather than the commies. However, the Russkies re-took Estonia, smacked it hard, and dominated it until the Evil Empire fell in 1991.
Independence (sort of)
However, the Estonians were stuck with a giant Russian population who spent their days working for their new Estonian masters, drinking and smoking in public, and looting underwear. The Estonians wanted to do something about it, but were afraid of their giant neighbor to the East. So they settled for classifying them as a non-human source of cheap labor, which was technically true, and pissed off Russia even more by seeking to be Amerofag puppets rather than Russkie ones. The black person-inspired Russfags marched for equal rights, which the Estonians responded to by putting in extra factory hours.
Russofags attempting to carry out the traditional Russian reaction to being pissed off are rudely interrupted by Estonian Police.
Then in 2007, the Estonian government tried to remove the statue of a Soviet "liberator", as it was reminding them of all the epic pwnage of the past, and defiling their Nazi-loving land. However, the Russians began rioting in the streets. Showing their subhuman nature, they looted shops, smashed up stuff, and flipped cars, all while trying to convince the Estonian people not to remove their hero. Nonetheless, Estonian Police showed up and stopped the fun. One of the Russian rioters was killed, probably by his own comrades to generate a media bubble. The rest were thrown in the rapehouse, and you know what happens next. When the organizer of the revolt asked why he did it, while being assfucked by a giant bald guy he said "I did it for the lulz".
In service of the Amerofag Empire
Estonia, a puppet state of the Jewnited States, has sent soldiers to Iraq and Afghanistan, where its military is bravely fighting to make it possible for American oil companies to set up their pipelines. Estonia will even have to pay for all that oil, since the Americunts want as much profit as possible, and it is not possible to get any oil from Russkieland when you have pissed them off. Shit! They also repeatedly strongly condemned Russia and called for NATO to accept Georgia after the Russia-Georgia war began. Since they are so afraid of Russia, they joined the North Atlantic Terrorist Organization, as their American-made Army would still not be able to stand up to the awesome power of the rustbucket Russian Army.
How to troll Estonians
- Confuse them with Russians (or Slavs in general - bonus points if you confuse Baltic with Balkan).
- Confuse them with Lithuania or Latvia and say you can't keep track of all East Bloc countries.
- Point out that most of their culture is more or less ripped off from Germany and Finland.
- Call their women ugly and their language nonsensical gibberish (most Estonians delude themselves into thinking that their bitches and language are the prettiest in the world).
- Remind them that they aren't Nordic and never will be. This will insure EPIC rage and long, rambling walls of text about close cultural and ethnic ties to Finland.
- Say anything postitive about the Soviet Union.
- Pretend to be a nigger and boast about how many Estonian hoes you've banged.
- Criticize their blatant racism.