Daedalus The Dopefish

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The amount of ignorance you display on a daily basis is absolutely baffling, albeit entirely hillarious and mildly entertaining.
 

 
 

Daedalus The Dopefish

Overview

The Dopefish himself.

Daedalus the Dopefish is a self-proclaimed philanthropist, who takes great pride in his vast intellect and argumentative skills when faced with the daunting intellectual prowess of the mentally challenged over the internet on STEAM. When he's not busy playing games for total nerds for 80+ hours a week in the middle of nowhere, he spends most of his days on the STEAM community, bravely searching for any furry and brony profiles with their comment section open so the philanthropist in him can help them see the error of their ways; namely by laughing at their profile description and calling them retarded. His STEAM profile comments is his staging ground to argue with the butthurt furries he terrorized at random and other morons that argue for the sake of arguing.


People choose to troll furries for obvious reasons; because it's extremely easy to do, they certainly are not the sharpest tools in the shed, and it yields astronomical butthurt. While these reasons are indeed present in Daedalus' activities, he goes about it in very bizarre and uncomfortably detailed ways that make it sound like he knows more about being a furry than someone disgusted with them should be. A good example is how he'll call a furry a dog fucker, but then goes so far into detail about dog fucking fantasies that it's obvious he's projecting. This, among other reasons, has earned Daedalus the title of " closet furry". This uncommon type of furry often insults his own kind in hopes to lower suspicion of him actually being one, but doesn't have the balls to admit he has a problem.

How it all began

Daedalus suffers from rancid Assburger's a cripplingly low self esteem and narcissistic personality disorder, often having to nurse said self esteem back to health every day by comparing himself to the dregs of society. His life took a turn for the worse when his grandmother threatened to kick him out of the house if he didn't get off " the chatrooms" and find a job. As a result, Daedalus joined the Marines in September 2010 to have Uncle Sam place him in a supply depot and live his life for him, making it easier to continue his STEAM trolling and secret furry cybersex sessions every day without worry of being a responsible human being. Your tax dollars at work!

Much like how even the fattest and fugliest of furries eventually gain the illusion that they're sexy and adorable because of their fursona that they stole from a furry porn site, Daedalus' three years of furry trolling eventually gained him the illusion that he's a true intellectual and a beacon of all that is correct in the world. However, no matter how big his artificial ego becomes, deep down, his self esteem continues to haunt him, and he always returns to STEAM to find more easy targets and inflate his anti-furry ruse.

STEAM "philanthropy" and cowardice

Daedalus states that he has never found an intellectual rival to clash with on any subject. This of course, is ironic, given the fact that his battles are preferred fought with the retarded on his STEAM profile, which he knows is obscure enough to go unnoticed by many people, let alone any real intellectuals, the likes of which he strangely never searches for or challenges.

But even with the fact that he talks big under two forms of hiding, the cowardice doesn't end there. While furries are his preferred harassment target, Daedalus sticks to a very specific kind of furry to "debate" with, and that of course, are teenagers and only if they're over the internet. He's more than happy to proudly boast of his victories over the ever-vigilant STEAM furries in the past right on his profile, but, of course, he has yet to mention his mighty battle against the adult furry Marines in his unit that he baaawwws constantly about. All he can muster up the courage to do is stare at them, expecting them to either screw up somehow because he doesn't trust a furry with his life on the field, or because he doesn't want to risk secretly wants to end up getting fucked in the ass. That basically means that if you're an alcohol abusing fuck up who gets drunk one day and pretends to be a TF2 spy, Daedalus will pay you no mind and you can farm kills off of him with your lovingly crafted shiv. Hell, he'd prefer to be dead than allow his embarrassing closet furry secrets to become revealed!

But, getting back to his choice of trolling teenagers over the internet, he stands by the assertion that all his years of searching out furries, so he can call them failed abortions, retards, disappointments, faggots and dogfuckers, before searching for their real faces on Google images in hopes of calling them ugly. This is, surprisingly, not at all because he is a troll, but because he's trying to help them in seeing the error of being a furry. This is Daed's proud crusade of philanthropy, the likes of which he uses as an excuse to continue combing through teenagers' personal lives, specifically what they choose to beat off to or stick their hog in. This of course, is a ruse for further and deeper harassment and to assure his low self esteem that the furry in question is more fucked up than he is.

TL;DR: Daedalus needs to prey on children over the internet to feel empowered. Also, he's a right wing christfag, so it all adds up.

So far, his crusade over the years has managed to yield one single result in the form of a 10 year old named Weeaboo Furjax, who was molested by a pedofur named Hardstylenno (AKA, H.N.N.O, Vekk, Vekky etc., he changes his e-identity every time he commits a sex offense, which is every day). Of course, while Daedalus takes pride in his only saved soul, "rescued" through sheer ridicule after posting his STEAM profile on YouTube complete with hilarious voice acting, Furjax could easily just not want to be a furry anymore because HE WAS MOLESTED BY ONE. Regardless Daedalus takes all the credit anyway, and stated he plans to continue taking the credit for every furry he ever ridiculed who leaves the fandumb, even if it's years down the line when they grow out of it or need to get a job.

Daedalus has been called out for his preferred and obscure platform, and has been challenged to bring his retarded viewpoints to a much more public forum - such as Youtube or a message board full of actual intellectuals. He proceeded to use the weak excuse that he was just too busy a man for that, which caused critics to take his life and the time he spends it apart at the molecular level to prove this otherwise. Of course, Daed being a lovable dipshit, thought they're doing it to prove he's on the same plane of existence as Santa Claus. However, since it's more hilarious to imagine Daedalus Claus coming down the chimney at night in a red suit to rummage through your kids' internet history and call them faggots, we'll just go with that.

Argument tactics and hypocrisy

Daedalus claims he will rise to any debate challenge if they will ever show themselves, but due to the obscurity of a STEAM profile and the fact that he's been doing the equivalent of kickboxing wheelchair-bound people for years, his credentials often go unmentioned, even by Daedalus himself. Here's a very vast list of subjects Daedalus has debated on.

Daedalus has spent years searching for people among STEAM within his aforementioned comfort zone, so he can use blatant namecalling in hopes of summoning them back to his profile for a debate on how they live their lives. This "strategy" has earned him countless blocks, seeing as how people have harassed furries since the very dawn of time, and Daedalus and his abortion jokes are nothing new to them. Still, Daedalus truly believes that this is due to them not willing to let him help them and that he's being perfectly reasonable. It is also worth noting that even though Daedalus calls people countless names and accuses them of raping animals or children, the moment they do the same to him, they are considered immature. If they call him on his blatant hypocrisies, they are then called ignorant and amusing.

Recently, Daedalus' method operandi has finally caught the attention of some real opposition, which has unearthed some huge lulz out of the mighty troll-in-denial, causing everyone who ever respected Daedalus to see him for the fraud he is and turn on him. They are, a furfag named Leo DeMarco who is NOT a teenager, 343 Grenadier who nukes Daed's profile with 500 pages of repeated boring, Geekmuffin who makes wry remarks to hide his ponyfaggotry, and long-time rival, Jaggermeister Detox, who debates using shitty spreadsheets. Along with them are two former supporters, Andreas Schumacher and Eurocracy. Also, there's Ryan (but he's just there for the fuck of being somewhere he'll be acknowledged, no matter how fucking off-topic he'll be), and another Leo, who nobody actually pretends to care about.

Before competent opposition found him, Daedalus used to often reference a document on bad internet argument techniques, calling out many previous opponents on using at least one of the article's examples. After his months of arguing with the previously mentioned contenders, Daedalus has managed to use every single one of the examples himself. If it isn't obvious enough already, Daedalus is not a good debater and has always been wrong, however he never backs down no matter how much of an idiot he makes of himself, which basically makes arguing with Daedalus like banging your head against a dead car in hopes of transforming it into a brand new one. A good example of this is the fact that because Daedalus can't get laid, he turns that around into saying he's the epitome of strength and honor like a Buddhist monk and anyone who ever fucks, period, is weak. Needless to say, Daed's argument tactic of choice is that of the straw man, which allows him to disagree with his opponents, no matter what their position is, that is, unless they hate bronies. Then he'll give them a rimjob.

If you're bored and hate having free time enough to argue with Daedalus, here are a few ways to know you're winning the argument:

  • If he calls your argument an emotional argument.
  • If he accuses you of using Wikipedia.
  • If he conveniently ignores parts of your argument.
  • Has to make greatly exaggerated examples to make your points seem less favorable (i.e, doing research compared to fucking a tree stump).
  • Resorts to namecalling, then puts you in "time-out" if you do it back.

Links

See also

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Gaming

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Furfaggotry

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Homosexual Deviants

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Gay Republicans
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