Closet Furry

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A day in the life. Of you.
Common example of a closet furry.

For some sick reason, furries generally accept their perverted urges to fuck 40 year old basement dwellers in fox suits; that's an accepted fact. But what do you get when the furry in question doesn't want his acne-afflicted faggot D&D playing friends to know?

What is a Closet Furry?

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A closet furry is, quite simply, a furfag who is ashamed — and rightly so — of being a sick cunt. He'll hide in his dark, fecal-smelling basement, fapping to Fchan and rolling in his own excrement like a common cur. Chances are that they also cut, and are consequently an emo faggot contemplating their next anthro Waycest fanfic. They will, when accused of being a furry, with all sincerity deny their fetish but will promptly download — and fap to — infamous bestiality videos such as Mr. Hands. Furfags in the closet can also be referred to as Fur Coats, because where else do you keep a fur coat? In the closet.

Common Traits of Closet Furries

Closet furries also include those who name their Internet pseudonym after a Pokémon.

If any of these conditions are met, the individual in question is a fucking furfag, and should be castrated and skinned alive.

Another trait of closet furries; Simply_Ghastly discussing his furfaggotry with a friend


The Cat Excuse

A common fursona ploy is using a cat in their name. There, people can say that they're furries to their yiff-mate(s), but then claim they're just fans of lolcats to others. For example, SmokeyTheCat on TOW is known as the biggest furfag ever. SmokeyTheCat, however, has no relation at all to SchmuckyTheCat, who is not a furryDISREGARD THAT I SUCK FURRY COCKS

The Freudian Slip

Some closet furries reveal themselves through a Freudian slip. Blu Aardvark, for example, had an uncontrollable urge to say his fursona "aardvark" all the time.

What to do if You are a Closet Furry

  1. DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING
  2. Kill everybody who knows.

Suspected Closet Furries

This graph determines if you are a closet cheesefag
  • You
  • Another n00b — WikiFur editor and one of the more frequent IRC users
  • Blu Aardvarknot a furry?
  • Bronies - Every. Single. One of them.
  • btards
  • Butch Otter
  • DCLID - Claims only to like drawing anthro dragons and to dislike furries.
  • Chris-chan — the evidence is there
  • Degen
  • Doutaini - members fail to accept the fact that roleplaying magical elemental wolves automatically makes you a furry
  • GreenRaeperofficially denies being a furry
  • Meepsheep — Hates furry scum, but has an animal avatar
  • Jeremy Bernal -- claims to just be doing it to make money as well
  • Lucky Coyote"I'm just doing this to make money! I'm not a furry at all!"
  • Miltopia
  • OtaconWe really know the otaku obsession is just a mask at his closed furfagness
  • Patachu
  • Sheneequaidling in wikiFur irc Confirmed, Sheneequa doesn't want you to know that he (Matt Wolf Binder) is actually Redwolf24.
  • SpleeNfatIn spite of claiming his opposition to be furfags, he's also defended his own furfag friends
Fur series.jpg

Closet Furry is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

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