Boyfriend

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Your mother loves you; everyone else thinks you're a cunt.
If lucky, your potential boyfriend might release his sexual deprivation and stick it in your pooper.

Boyfriend is a term derived from the words Boif (old-English for "life") and Rend ("to tear apart"), and is basically used to describe males that have one female friend. Boyfriends can be easily seen out-and-about with their girlfriends, simply by observation.

Observing Couples

  • If they are both laughing and joking, then this couple is just friends, and perhaps went to highschool/college together.
    If, however, only one is laughing and joking, see which of the two are laughing. If it is the female laughing, then they again are friends, but the guy has been restricted to the friend zone. If it is the male laughing, then it is just a blind date, and it's not going well.
  • If they are quiet and contemplative, they are likely to be brother and sister, or possibly congenitally deaf.
  • If they look Bored and resigned, they are most likely married.
  • If she won't shut the fuck up and he looks like his bank account is being screwed over, then this couple is likely to be boyfriend/girlfriend.

Getting a Boyfriend

To get a boyfriend, you should wear tight clothes and act like a slut. Hang out in bars, get drunk a lot, and don't be afraid to give the odd blowjob. It also helps to claim to be bi-curious. If you are a male, then it helps to also carry condoms and use excessive sexual innuendo as much as possible.

Losing a Boyfriend

To lose a boyfriend, simply leave the kitchen. Another possible method is to drop subtle hints about marriage, or claim to have voted against Prop-8, and drop un-subtle hints about being monogamous.

Gallery

See Also

External Links

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Boyfriend is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

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Those Dying Alone

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Their Methods

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